Posted by: dsduffy | October 19, 2013

Overlapping seasons

The calendar says October. I have pumpkins outside my house and (opened) bags of Halloween candy in my kitchen pantry. So why, oh why was there snow on the ground this morning? The sun came out and the snow melted by the early afternoon, but still. It’s October!

Living in Melbourne, they often would say, “if you don’t like the weather, wait 5 minutes!” and “four seasons in a day”  so I guess I should be used to this, right? I guess I can deal with a little snow in October in return for 300 days a year of sun.

It is so exciting to be experiencing Halloween with the boys. It feels like their FIRST Halloween – since they were 1 and 3 the last time we had Halloween in America and well, sorry Australia, but you guys just don’t do it like we do.

Every day after school I drive the boys around another part of the neighborhood, scoping out the fantastically decorated houses. I spot them during the day, and make mental notes to take them back. “Ok, corner of Florida and Fillmore, that’s a good one. They will love it.” They ask to go back past houses we saw a few days earlier, I drive by slowly, pointing out zombies, witches and spiders. It is so much fun to experience this with them, I can only imagine how Christmas will be!

 

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Posted by: dsduffy | October 3, 2013

Here I go again…

Write what I know, write what’s on my mind…here I go…

When we lived in Australia, I was pretty positive that we would move back to the States. Yes the option to stay for good was there, but in my mind, in my heart, I knew we would end up back here somewhere. 

So now that we are back in the States, I am in mourning. Sorry to say, but it’s true. I mourn the loss of a place I grew to love. I mourn the loss of the many friendships that were so important to me. Of course we can keep in touch, but come on, it’s not the same. No way no how. 

I know in my heart that I want to go back – one day.  But I can’t go back now even for a visit – I wish we could….so bad.

Now I have to find my place here, in Denver. I have to move on I guess, look ahead and stop looking back. It’s not easy. 

Posted by: dsduffy | September 13, 2013

Where is the handbook?

Parenting. It is, once again, kicking my ass. I clearly remember complaining about sleep training, or potty training, or some other ridiculous training and my older sister telling me, wait til they’re older. 

Well, they are older. And the problems? They get bigger. She was SO right. 

To make matters worse, I received the recent copy of Parents magazine in the mail today and MAN, did it make me MAD! 

All those cute cherubic faces of toddlers, happy mothers sitting with those cute kids, followed by craft ideas, halloween costume ideas, cute animal-looking dinner ideas. OMG I wanted to burn that magazine. Crafts? Yea right. Have you met my boys? Make my own halloween costumes? Ha! I am sure they wouldn’t like them anyway. Healthy dinners? I can’t even. 

Oh Parents magazine….at least you made me laugh, right before I tossed you into the recycling bin! 

I wish there was something more realistic, something that I can relate to at this stage of the game. I’d appreciate an article titled, “How to keep your cool when BOTH your kids get in trouble at school on the same day.” Or, “The kids wanted a dog and now it’s just another chore for me to add to my plate, help!” maybe even a page about “Green vegetables. Seriously?” These magazines, blogs, tv shows, all have posts/articles/spots about moms and kids that I just don’t relate to. Read that again: I just don’t relate to them. They are false, fake, something that I just can’t attain. I feel like a failure just reading the headlines of the articles. How terrible is that? 

Motherhood. Parenthood. I want to do the best job I can. I don’t want to f*$% up my kids. I want to do the best I can for them. 

Parenting. The hardest job out there. 

Posted by: dsduffy | August 31, 2013

Range of emotions

Look, I don’t care who you are – if you are faced with a challenging situation you react. You may react one way, or another. But still – you react.

Moving in general is NOT easy. Moving with kids adds another layer of non-easiness. And then from one side of the planet to the other, to a place that is also NEW is NOT easy.

You try it, let me know how you fare. You might want to drink a lot of wine. Or not.

I am so thankful that my kids are settling in well to school. I am thankful that my husband has a good job.

I am thankful to be able to have this experience. I am thankful, as a human, to be able to feel such a range of emotions. It is the true essence of being human. To feel things. Right?

Posted by: dsduffy | August 28, 2013

bravery

to undergo or face courageously.
to challenge; dare (from the free dictionary online)
doing something I don’t believe I can do, that is brave. being able to admit I doubt myself.
not knowing the right answer and trying things out anyway. admitting I might not be right about something.
asking for help. having only 1% of faith in myself, feeling the odds against me, and still going forward.
wanting to quit, quitting for a day, knowing that there is always tomorrow to try again.
faking it, pretending, acting as if, fake it til you make it. looking up at the clouds, looking for a sign, what is the right path. not comparing myself to others (that is hard.) trying to figure out what the point of it all is.
what is the point anyway?
Bravery. Courage. One foot in front of the other.
Posted by: dsduffy | August 22, 2013

Still here, just quiet

Everyone needs a break sometimes. 

Posted by: dsduffy | July 30, 2013

One of those days

It was one of those days. But worse. And by “one of those days” I mean, tough parenting. I don’t think I smiled much at all today. And I don’t think my kids did either. It was just horrible.  Their behavior was terrible, and now that I think back about it, I can’t even remember half of it, I was just so angry in the midst of it all. I tried to take the deep breaths, like they recommend, to curb my anger. But then something else happened and it turned to crying. Crying and screaming. I am pretty sure my kids thought I had been possessed by the devil and couldn’t even understand what I was saying amongst all the crying.  Afterwards I was quiet. They went to their rooms, unsure of what to do next. It continued all damn day. What a waste of a day I kept thinking.

We did finally make up, we said our sorry’s and I love you’s, and I am hoping this type of day never happens again.

It was one of those days, but tomorrow is a new day; a new chance.

 

Posted by: dsduffy | July 25, 2013

What it’s like

It’s like I never left, like Australia was a dream. It’s like I was beamed into a spaceship and dropped into a different life. It’s like I don’t even know where I am.

Yes I like Denver. The people I have met are great. I love our neighborhood. But I am once again alone – without my family in NJ, my friends in America and at the same time without the friends I made in Melbourne. I am at square one. I am in my own country but still feel alone, isolated.

At nearly 40 it is hard to make friends all over again. Yes they are nice, yes we have a bit of a social life, but nobody really knows me. Moving in general isn’t great, but it’s this after effect that they don’t tell you about. It has been six months, shouldn’t I feel “settled” yet?

This is what it’s like, at least for me.

Posted by: dsduffy | July 22, 2013

Oh this puppy

He already has my heart. One week in and I am in love. Head over heels in love. Those puppy dog eyes (!) 

The way his ears perk up and are so floppy, I just want to eat him up (not literally.) 

I never got to know a dog like I have with this guy. 

I want to make sure he is happy, does he know that I love him? 

That I think he is awesome? Does he know that he is safe here with us?

All that we know about his past (8 or so months) is that he was in a shelter in Texas and then in a foster home here in Denver for a week or two. 

Besides that, we have no idea what his life was like, what he had to endure. Someone loved him enough to potty train him. But he seems to have no clue about the world. He seems completely shocked when he sees a bird, squirrel or his reflection in the side of a parked car. He will chase a leaf like it’s a toy, perk up at the sound of a passing car. Walking on a leash is also something foreign to him. He has learned a lot in the past week and is now walking much better, and also knows “sit.” 

He is safe here with us. He is loved. He is part of a family, our family. 

Posted by: dsduffy | July 16, 2013

More love in the house

Sometimes things just happen. For one reason or another.

We have talked about getting a dog on and off for years.

We talked about waiting for PJ to “retire” for fear that at 18 he wouldn’t tolerate a dog well.

We went to a National Adopt a Pet event on the weekend “just to look.”

We came home with this:

boysandozzie

 

His name is Ozzie (oi oi oi!) he is 8 months old, and is a sweet pup. He has some work to do (walking on a leash, the basics) but we love him all the same. Welcome to our crazy family, Ozzie!

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