Sitting at the front reception desk, in between answering phones, visions of South Melbourne Market pop into my mind. I’m walking down the deli/meat aisle and see so many friendly familiar faces. That lady who runs the chocolate shop, my “chicken guy” and the pizza guys who are so nice to my boys.

I shake my head and get back to work. What made me think of that place?

In the shower while rinsing out the shampoo, I see the familiar sights of the CBD. One second I see Bourke Street, lined with tourists and shoppers, the next I am along the river in Southbank, people watching with a coffee in hand.

Australia is part of me. My wardrobe reminds me daily. Jake goes to kick a soccer ball like its Aussie rules and I chuckle to myself. A boy on Cameron’s soccer team wears an Australian soccer top, little reminders are everywhere.

Mementos all over the house make me miss it so much, and my mind is obviously a little homesick too.

I was tidying up Cameron’s room today and noticed that his beloved blankies were folded neatly at the end of his bed. I fold them and put them there all the time, but it dawned on me that they hadn’t been touched by him in a few days.

Yes, he is 8 years old and shouldn’t really be attached to his blankie, but I still figured he  slept with it on top of his comforter. Anyway, it got me thinking, what happens to it when he is really not into it anymore? What will we do with it?

This thought led to: what happens to all children’s lovies? Do their parents throw them away? Do mother’s have a moment over the trash can, clutching the beloved teddy or blanket to their chests, then bringing it up to their noses for one last sniff? I can’t imagine that day. I hope he is ok with keeping it folded at the end of his bed for years to come.

That title could mean many things in my life currently, but in this case I am referring to this little ol’ blog of mine.

If I change the website address, what would I change it to? Starting over is scary, and I’m tired of starting over. At the same time, I am no longer Melbourne Bound. Which is also sad. It feels like a dream, like something only I know about – something that is impossible to explain – kind of like when you have a dream and you try to explain it and you can’t do it justice and then you realize that nobody really cares to hear about your dreams in your little head. Honestly, they don’t. They act interested while thinking, “this didn’t really happen, so why do I care?”

Australia is further and further away (not just in distance) and if I change this website then I will feel like I am shutting the door on it forever. Locking it in a box marked “past.”

Oh, Melbourne. How I miss you so.

We received our shipment from Australia. All 136 items (boxes, furniture, bikes, surprisingly there was no kitchen sink) arrived safe and sound from the other side of the planet. It was bittersweet seeing the same shipping container that I said good-bye to just a little over 3 months ago on a hot summer day in Middle Park. I remember that moment so clearly: seeing our belongings packed up on a truck knowing they were going on a cargo ship. And I know it is just STUFF. I am aware of that. My husband, sons and kitties are what matter much more, but it was a poignant moment to see it all going and then POOF! it arrived here at my new house in my new town.

As we unpack boxes and put things away, I have found a few “gifts.”  A $5 note in the front pocket of my jeans. Sand from Middle Park Beach in a bag of laundry from our last days in Australia. Farewell cards with words that still make me tear up from dear friends that are no longer in my daily life. I keep getting email reminders from AFL for the upcoming footy season. I hesitate before clicking on the “unsubscribe” button; I don’t want to close all the doors on our Aussie life. I can keep them open, can’t I?

As we set up things in our house, I keep finding items that I want to display: boomerangs, the Eureka Tower snow globe and many Aussie books. I want to honor our time there, honor the country that I fell in love with and will always have in my heart. And the icing on the cake? I took the boys into a store we had never been in and found Vegemite and Ginger Beer, I’m pretty certain Australia will always be with us.

Two months ago, we left our comfy lives in Melbourne and landed here in Denver. I left my friends, my daily routine, the comfortable place I lived and came to the complete unknown. I have walked onto the school grounds knowing not one face. I knew that when I heard someone saying “hello” they were definitely not talking to me. But now – nearly two months of solitude – I have actually had adult conversations and what you could consider the beginnings of possible friendships!

Now, most of you people don’t have to deal with this – making friends. You already have your friends. Coworkers, neighbors, friends, confidantes. You can look in your phone and have a choice of people to call if you need to chat. I, on the other hand, have to start all over again. Do the dance. “Where did you grow up? How long have you been here in Denver?” Etc, etc. It is exhausting, just trust me on this one. But it is necessary. At least for me.

One of Cameron’s classmates lives 1 block over from us and the mom and  I have been emailing. She invited us over today after school and it involved wine (hello!) So we stayed for a while and all got along famously. Unfortunately Cameron came home not feeling well, but I think this is the start of something beautiful. At least, I hope so.

I swear I am so tired of putting myself “out there” and making the effort, I hope this is the last time, at least for a while.

Opening what feels like the millionth box yesterday, I came across an old diaper bag. With diapers in it (unused!) I dug deeper into the box and found sippy cups, baby feeding spoons, napkins from Jake’s 1st birthday, a Dora the Explorer placemat and baby bottles. As I sat on the kitchen floor, with all these items, I wondered why I left it all behind. Why didn’t I need those spoons in Australia? Why did I decide to leave the bottles behind? It felt like I was going through someone’s life, or like we literally threw some clothes in a suitcase and fled in the middle of the night.

I guess it was a bit like that. I was a mom to two small boys, I clearly remember circling the house in Massachusetts with the movers, Jake on my hip, pointing to things declaring, “that’s for the boat, that’s trash, and that can go to storage.” I had to make snap decisions and I guess some things just didn’t make the cut.

I have so many baby things that are of no use to me anymore. It is sad. I have looked into donating them and will do so once we are all unpacked.

I just think it is hard (as a mother) to revisit these items and know that stage is over.

Sleep eludes me. I’ve given in and now take Zzzquil to help, I’m no fool. But after I’ve swallowed a mouthful of water along with only 1/2 the recommended dose, I visit places in my mind. Last night I took a walk down Mills Street. I walked passed the boys’ primary school, saw some kids playing basketball and heard the magpies as they swooped overhead.

The tram rumbled along, stopping and letting some of my old neighbours off. There was The old man who I saw often as he shuffled to the tram stop but I only spoke to him one time on tram. He heard our American accents and told us about the time he lived in Seattle in the 70′s.

I imagined it was around 4 in the afternoon so as I walked passed the pizza restaurant, I saw the friendly owners and sat down to have a chat. We would talk about the weather, and they asked how the boys were. I left and said I’d see them on Friday night, as usual.

The sights, sounds and even smells were so vivid, every detail came to my mind.

As much as I hate not being able to sleep, I love the quiet time to revisit a place I love so much.

I had a few worst-case scenarios in my head: 

1. Our stuff was sold on that show “Storage Wars” 

2. Our stuff was lost

3. Our stuff was ruined by water, mold or who-knows-what

None of these things happened. Thank goodness. 

But what really happened when I began unpacking wasn’t even a thought in my head. I knew that I kept some baby stuff. I knew we had the crib and rocking chair, maybe a bin or two of clothing and some toys. What arrived 2 days ago was much more than that. Sippy cups, overnight diapers, 8 bins of baby boy clothes, 2 bins of maternity clothes, A SHIT LOAD of baby toys, a high chair, a safety bed rail, baby blankets, pacifiers, and so on and so forth. I could have an all-out baby garage sale, if I had any  energy left. It seemed like we high-tailed it out of Massachusetts with nothing for our kids (when I know we had plenty of stuff, but man, we left A LOT behind.) 

I was cleaning off our kitchen chairs and laughed to myself as I scrubbed off milk droplets. The dirtiest one must have been where 3 year old Cameron sat, back in 2008. 

It is a little sad that I didn’t get to rock Jake to bed in that comfy glider. He was only 18 months old when we moved to Melbourne. I would have loved to read him bedtime stories in that chair. Oh well, I have to leave the past in the past and more forward. 

—

We are settling in nicely. The house is awesome, the kids love having a basement and more outdoor space to play. I love the quiet, the space and the cozi-ness. 

This afternoon, neighbors from 2 doors down rang our bell and brought us cookies! They were very nice and welcoming. I have a feeling we are going to be very happy here. 

 

We closed on our house today. It’s very exciting, but also very stressful. We are lucky to be living in a furnished apartment until Sunday, but it could turn out that we are sleeping on the floor of our new house come Sunday night.

However I did say I liked camping so it will be fine, plus we have heat and a roof over our heads, so I should not complain. Apparently we had so much stuff in storage in Boston that it wouldn’t all fit on the one truck. Which means that some items are left behind and will be showing up at some point in the future. There is no exact date and there is no information regarding WHICH items are left behind.

Moving? Not so much fun. With all of my power I am focusing on the end result. If I don’t, I will go bat-shit crazy and I think my head would start to spin around counter clockwise. It also doesn’t help that I am PMSing (thanks, Mother Nature! Great timing!)

Anyway, I am too focused on the vision of my neat and orderly house to even think of a title to this post. Sorry.

Positive? It was 60f today, hello Denver in the winter!

Culture Shock!

I can’t remember to walk on the right, I keep having near-misses with parents at Jake’s school. I’m messing up the whole flow over here. And getting into the car on the wrong side? I got that covered too. I’m flicking on the wipers when I want to turn left, I’m searching the radio station for familiar songs. I greeted the barista at Starbucks with “How ya’ going?” and the moment the words left my mouth, I knew it was wrong.  She looked puzzled, the same way I must have looked when I first heard that in Melbourne. I have to make an effort to order Cameron a Sprite instead of lemonade, ketchup instead of tomato sauce, so on and so forth. I am sure you can read my posts from Sept 2008 and get the same idea in REVERSE.

I am missing my friends. I miss the normal life that I had. I knew where to go, there were familiar faces, and people who knew me. Now my days are quiet and lonely. Again, I am sure you could read my posts from the beginning in Melbourne and it will be the same, but now I am all alone since my boys are in school all day.

My heart broke tonight when Jake called from his bed: “Mom? Will we go back to Australia again?”  To which I replied, “What do you mean, sweetie? To live or visit?” Jake continued, “To visit. I want to see my friends.” All I could do was walk in and give him a hug because I don’t have an answer.

Thankfully next week we get our house. I can focus on organizing, unpacking and making our house a home. I am hoping to meet some neighbors, that would be ideal. (My spell check does not like I how am spelling all “American” again!) And then only a few weeks later we will be taking a family vacation to Florida.

Taking it one day at a time.